Monday, March 23, 2009

Balls Out

Advice to all 3rd, 4th and 5th tier employees:
Always go balls out.

Unfortunately, this is often overlooked, even though it has been formally recognized as the Ninth Habit by The Greater Hennepin County Jr. Curlers Collective. The swing vote of said adoption coming from the Edina delegate, who only three days earlier swore off lutefisk and a deteriorating relationship with his mother. But I digress. Balls out. It is the only way one should approach or stand at the company urinal. Not simply one sheepishly poking out, but full balls. Belt open and khakis hanging off your ass full balls. Knees apart and eyes on the horizon full balls. Tijuana bachelor party full balls. Balls full out! You never know who may walk up to you after all. You should always hope for your supervisor, manager or boss. But understand... this is not a challenge. This is a service. This is the removal of pretense. All things made clear without a raised voice. But in order to do so, you must set your concerns aside. This is not to be a display of ego. This is an exercise of will beyond the fickle concerns of the ego. Large or small, balls out. Young or old, balls out. Partner or clerk, balls out. Trust me, all structures, pyramids and hierarchies would rearrange. All blocks would fall and reassemble to their natural state. In an ideal world devoid of pants, it would be obvious who is hiding in their BMW. But this is not Utopia, so use the time you have. Balls out, of course.